Finally Ready To Face It

Updated: 15 hours ago

It's finally happening. I'm quitting Human Design.

Although something didn't feel quite right for a long time, probably long before I embarked on the True Sidereal adventure and studied Zeno Dickson's approach this year, I finally realized that I don't like what Human Design does to me.

In the past days, I have been listening to some old recorded conversations I had with other experimenters, and I could already hear the answer shimmering through — I just wasn't consciously aware of the question just yet. Although I might have asked myself this question over and over again, I was afraid of hearing the answer.

It seems that I'm finally ready to face it.

Maybe going with Zeno's approach and embarking on that weird True Sidereal experiment was already the beginning of the end. I just needed to be ready to eventually follow through on what life was trying to tell me.

Human Design just isn't it. It worked for a little while — the permission slip, the relief — but that was only temporary. It didn't lead to me fulfilling more of my potential. It mostly led to endless, mindless chatter.

It's just too cerebral. Too dogmatic. Too complex. The more I listen to people talk about it, the more I realize I get annoyed and irritated. And I started to get annoyed and irritated by my own talking about it, too.

First, I thought it was just inherent to the Human Design community. But it's the System, too, I realize now. And I think I knew it for quite a while, but I just wasn't ready to face the consequences of that inner knowing.

It almost feels like I'm committing a capital sin here, like I'm going to hell. You know, the way people talk about Human Design, it's like it's the only way. And anyone resisting it is just in their not-self, one claims. It feels as if the whole community has an opinion about why I would quit Human Design. And those opinions are probably not pretty.

I'm not too fond of that kind of arrogance, yet I was part of it.

No more.

I tried so hard to make it work. I thought I would go with Human Design for the rest of my life. But life decided differently. And the only thing I can do is flow with that instead of resisting it any longer.

But it's amazing how this went. I mean, a few weeks ago, I couldn't even imagine life after Human Design. The indoctrination runs deep.

I think it's primarily because of the Gene Keys. With the Virtual Pearl Retreat, I recently gave myself the time, space, and energy to go deep into contemplation, just for myself. I already felt the profound shifts that started to emerge only a few weeks in, even though my mind couldn't make sense of it.

It wasn't something I had control over. It just happened. I allowed it to happen. And here we are.

Contemplating Human Design is not the same. The System is too closed, dualistic, and boxed in to be contemplated in the same way.

I hoped I would be able to "open up" the System somehow, and I partially succeeded throughout Zeno Dickson's approach and adding the Spectrum of Consciousness like Werner Pitzal did with Integral Human Design, but it still feels so limiting. I. Can't. Breathe.

Human Design has been in my life for almost three years. And now I'm ready to say goodbye.

I don't know what my new journey will look like. I only know I want to continue contemplating the Gene Keys, and I'm open to anything that comes to me, naturally, effortlessly. I trust that my new journey will reveal itself in time.

Meanwhile, I'll keep on writing whenever I feel inspired, whenever I feel I have something to share. It might be in the form of a blog for now. And my newsletter, of course.